Following their official engagement and Mary's resignation from her position at KSAC, she and Henry worked to plan their life together. Still sending correspondence from Lawrence to Manhattan, Henry wrote, "'This is the last letter I shall write you as my sweetheart. Hereafter, when we are separated, it will be 'my dear wife'.'"
Mary thought ahead, trying to begin adjusting to life as a wife. Her response to Henry was a question on what his ideas were of a wife's position and duties in marriage. She knew from childhood that housekeeping and cooking were not tasks she enjoyed. Henry responded that he wanted to answer her questions "'as honestly as I can.'" He claimed he had observed two sorts of men when it came to relations with their wives. Henry claimed he thought one sort treated their wives as dolls to be 'petted, amused, and treated like children,' while the other sort considered their wives as 'their equals, as intellectual companions, and as beings with souls.'
Henry counted himself with the second sort of husband, writing to Mary "'...I have chosen for a wife a woman who is my equal in every sense of the word: intellectually, educationally, scholarly, and morally. I know it and intend to recognize the fact every day of my life.'" He also expressed his desire for Mary to continue her work in mathematics after their marriage. He wrote: "'I want to arrange the household duties so that you shall have time and the leisure to do your best mentally. I do not want you to give your time to the affairs of the house.... I believe, dear, that we are fully in accord on this point and we must not let the daily cares and duties of life interfere with the larger plan of our lives.'"
On July 21, 1900, Henry and Mary were married at her family's home in Chicago. Afterward, they traveled to Fayette, Michigan, where Mary had camped two years earlier with the Cook County Camping Club. It was also in Fayette that Henry grew a beard, and liking it so well, he kept it for the rest of his life.
Following their honeymoon, they returned home to Lawrence where Mary began a much different life than she had known. Henry's mother and his widowed sister, Belle, had been living with him for some time. They welcomed Mary, but she struggled to fit into a household in which the daily routines were well-established.
Mary's presence was difficult for the women to adjust to and her interest in reading and studying was quite foreign to them. It caused tension that was stressful for Henry as well. Henry continued work as an associate professor of mathematics at the University of Kansas, while Mary remained at home with her mother- and sister-in-law and was expected to manage the household.
Having always been a faculty member, Mary had no experience as a faculty wife and when she learned that the wives were expected to join the Faculty Wives Club, she chose not to. Instead, she joined a German-speaking club whose members were all either German immigrants themselves or who had parents who were German immigrants. She enjoyed the chance to use her German language skills and while the decision did not follow the role of a typical faculty wife, Mary was able to maintain some of her independence.
Several months after the wedding, Mary was already pregnant with their first child. The decision to visit Mary's parents in Chicago was a welcomed change. Carrie was delighted to have them for a short while, writing after their visit how sad and lonely the house seemed. She also understood the new trials Mary faced as a wife and expectant mother. To her daughter, she wrote:
You have had so many unaccustomed cares in the last few months it would be strange if you did not make some mistakes. You have been very brave to take them up cheerfully, and I am proud of you. Don't exact too much of yourself. We are only human and they that find fault are usually the most faulty of all.
Henry was busy teaching a full load of undergraduate and graduate classes, researching, writing papers, and presenting at meetings of the American Mathematical Society. He was performing the duties of the chair of the department without the compensation of said position. Dr. Miller, who served as department chair was in poor health and did not work, but still received the salary for his position. Mary felt this was an injustice toward her husband.
As Mary adjusted to her wifely duties, she and Henry's relationship became more cooperative over time. Henry was proud of his wife and often brought graduate students home for dinner and discussion, which Mary enjoyed. When Henry had a problem he couldn't solve, he told his colleagues that he would take it home and seek his wife's advice. He knew she had more training than he in their field and was pleased to give her an opportunity to utilize her knowledge and skills.
It was around this time that Mary gave birth to their first child, Caroline, on June 5, 1901. Two more children would follow; Josephine in 1903 and Henry in 1909.
Despite her household duties taking priority, Mary always longed to return to her professional academic life. A small respite came when she taught one summer semester at the University of Kansas for her husband so he could devote more time to his research. He was thought of fondly by his colleagues, described in much the same way that Mary's colleagues at KSAC had described her. To the faculty at KU, Henry was persistent, tenacious, and energetic, never being one to give up.
As of 1901, it was reported that he had written twenty-seven papers since joining the faculty in 1890. Henry was included in the "Leading Men of Science in 1903," ranking 37th among the 80 leading mathematicians. He also received a star beside his name in the first edition of American Men of Science. Over 4,000 men were honored in the edition and 1,000 were noted with stars to denote their leadership within science in the U.S.
Mary, however, did not amass the honors that her husband did although the entire extended family seemed to be in agreement that she had much more mathematical training than he. Still, Henry was proud and told many of her expertise. Their daughters would later remark that Mary wished she had done more with her knowledge and research skills.
After her second daughter, Josephine, was born in 1903, Mary became even busier with the household. Henry's mother died not long after and while at this time Mary still planned to return to academia, she recognized that her prior experiences were highly sought-after by other mathematicians. Continuing to assist her husband in his work and raise her children, she realized a new goal. Her plan was to give her children all the advantages of education that she and her siblings had been given by her mother growing up.
Also important to Mary was the ability to allow her children to be a part of the Winston extended family. As such, the Newson family often attended family reunions at Mary's parent's home in Chicago. Henry, busy with work and at the height of his professional career, was not always able to attend these reunions, but always was supportive and sent his family along without him.
These years were quite difficult for Mary as she tried to maintain her household and keep up with some mathematics work. She was often disheartened because she felt she wasn't good at running a household. However, in 1906, Mary's spirits were lifted when her parents decided to sell their home in Chicago and move to Lawrence. Mary's youngest sister came with them and land was bought just down the street from Henry and Mary's home on Massachusetts street. When choosing a house number, they were told they could choose any 17th-century number. 1620 was chosen in honor of the landing of the Pilgrims and their own landing close to Mary and Henry.
Mary's mother was in fragile health so the dryer climate in Lawrence was beneficial. Mary could now spend more quality time with her parents, especially her mother, who missed having her children close by. At this time the Winston children were spread across the country from Chicago to Texas and from St. Louis to Washington D.C.
On October 27, 1909, Mary's mother suffered an asthma attack and died at the age of 73. Although not entirely unexpected, Carrie's death was still a shock to the family. She was buried in Lawrence.
One month later, Mary gave birth to her son Henry. Caroline and Josephine were eight and six and liked the idea of having a younger brother. Before mother and baby returned home from the hospital, though, Josephine came down with scarlet fever in early December. In order to quarantine their daughter, Henry took leave from the university and Caroline went to stay with her grandparents.
A nurse was hired to stay at the house while Josephine was sick. Josephine and her father were then housebound with no visitors for the entire month. This time was used by Henry to continue work on his manuscript, The Theory of Collineations. Pages were prepared for the printer in Topeka and he worked to proofread the sheets already printed.
In January, Mary came home with their new son, Henry Winston Newson, and life became normal again. Dr. Newson also returned to his busy university schedule after being away for a month, but the time dedicated to work on his manuscript proved beneficial. By mid-February, he completed the remaining pages and had them ready to send to Topeka for printing.
His busy work schedule, however, along with his family life did not help his rheumatic heart condition. He began to experience "attacks," which were usually alleviated by sitting quietly for a while.
After experiencing one such attack on the evening of Valentine's Day 1910, he seemed better until a few days later. More pages were sent to the printer in Topeka and he portioned part of his evening to attend a Sigma Xi meeting. On his way home, he stopped at a drug store, seeking something for his discomfort. A young woman who was an acquaintance saw him there, commenting on how tired he looked. His response: "'I think everyone is tired these days.'"
He reached home, having taken the streetcar instead of his usual walk, and sat for a while in the living room while he and Mary talked. He complained of another attack but reassured her that it would pass.
Mary went into the kitchen to prepare some bottles for young Henry, while her husband went to ready for bed. A few minutes later, Mary heard a long, drawn-out sigh from the second floor. Henry died that evening, February 18, 1910. His Theory of Collineations was published posthumously in 1911.
The Academic Housewife: Hilbert's Lecture
